Monday, January 7, 2013

We and our Elders - Mindset and Gaps



What motivate me to write this is an experience at a hospital during night attendance with my aunt. Sometimes we irritate with our parents or the people aged 55+ due to their stubborn behaviors. For example they might ask you a single question again and again or after a long para they concludes the things on same question they asked so many times.

I observed that people after 55 feel himself free. Let me explain it by an example.

A father who retired at the age of 55, his sons and daughters are married and living a quite busy life in their families plus their jobs and businesses. They made themselves purely a social animal but with outsiders. They try to play an important role in the problems of their friends' circle and professional network.

Let me be a little out of topic here. In this fast era and with the emerging technologies we have lost our patience. We can't wait for results generated in its due course. We think that a headache should relieve in minutes after taking pills as we can reach anybody worldwide in a click or with our cellulars keypad or we edit a whole document, image or a chart in seconds and enjoy our desired modifications so our mindset, more or less, desires the same thing in those events that can't be.

Let's continue. So if a father's blood pressure shoot at midnight, our first approach or thinking would be like to give him the tablet or do something from our experiences or we had rad somewhere. In this case, the father take it seriously as our carelessness about him. He thinks that we are taking him light because we didn't seem worry at high. So when a son try to give him tablet and a glass of water in relax mode, he resist and force the son to take him to the hospital. Again when son argue about the early exercise to go hospital and explain him that he should have this tablet and wait a little so he goes normal then they both can spare themselves from that hassle as a BP is being a normal event nowadays.

Here it comes to the matter of debate or emotions. In father's mindset his son is not taking him seriously and giving him tablet with some explanations because he don't want to take him to hospital. And on another side, son is thinking that I should save my father from this movement until it is necessary.

Two scenes simultaneously happened to me. Doctor advised us to give my aunt a cough syrup as she was very uncomfortable due to cough and couldn't took proper nap but she was afraid that her cough increase due to that syrup. So when I force to take that syrup as doctor advised she over reacted and situation been difficult for me to handle as I can see her coughing abnormally so I had moved out of hospital to have a cigarette so I can normalize myself and there is another scene waiting for me to make me more learned.

There was a father and son at corridor and the son was roaming rapidly between pharmacy and doctor's chamber. As a listened the doctor's dialogue he was saying to the father " I am trying to help you at my best but you are irritating me, you are not ready to listen to a doctor and debating continuously. How your son manage to handle you?" And that father was again arguing the doctor. When I see the son, that gives me a new direction of thinking. I saw his father was arguing with pharmacist and his son used to say "Ok I'll do according to your wish. As you wish." And this particular sentence given father much relaxation. I seen him till end the son used to say this particular thing and smartly direct the father as per doctor's advice and the father was comfortable with this. So then I understood how his son manage to handle him.

I will conclude that it is all about protocol. If we will give proper protocol to our elders instead of imposing something, it would be quite workable in these kind of situations. When it comes to protocol we also expect it from our younger. So our approach is like we are seeking permission of elders and giving priority to his opinion then smartly draw him towards the requirement. Sometimes we have to wait patiently for desired result as human being can make effort only, rest is in the hands of Allah Almighty.